Is this a nightmare I have yet to wake up from???

Wait. Just wait a moment. He can’t be dead. My idols are suppose to grow old with me. I’m supposed to watch them get girlfriends, cry over how they got girlfriends, but congratulate them when they get married, watch them find happiness. Wait, they’re not supposed to be dead! Was that in the script?

I still think this is a nightmare. I just need to wake up. How do I wake up?

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Last night, while listening to your voice and laughter, trying to get myself to drift off to sleep, I told you that if you really were truly happy now, could you let me dream of you?

That night, for a short blurry moment, I really did dream of you. But the dream wasn’t clear, it was too quick. Let me dream of you longer, please. Let me see your smile one last time because I really want to tell you I’m so sorry.

I miss you so much…knowing you are no longer here to live life with us, it makes me not want to live it anymore. It hurts so much, but I don’t blame you. I understand you. That’s the scary part… I understand your thoughts and pain so well and part of me feels at ease you’re in peace now…. but I’m being selfish because I hate how I never get to see you again.

I saw your coffin. I kept thinking of how your heart will continue to beat inside someone else’s body. I want to give you a tight hug, and tell you over and over, “Hang on a bit more, let’s do it together. Just a bit more.”

I hate being just a fan. With so many barriers between us. Noticing you guys might be suffering yet unable to comfort all of you. Wanting to tell you there are fans who will support you through life or death, but unable to get that message across to you. I don’t think I’ll ever feel okay again. This hurts too much for all of us who love you very deeply. We understand, but it still hurts……….

一辈子都忘不了的一天 一辈子都不想忘的你

18.12.17

我暂时真的什么都不想做. 心疼到要命,真的很疼.

心疼你自己一个人辛苦那么久却没人知道

心疼你到底留了多少眼泪却没人发觉

心疼我们所爱的天使真的上天堂了……这一辈子再也看不到你的笑脸,看不到你的舞蹈,听不到你的歌唱声. 你真的就这样走了吗?

想起你也想起了很多美好的回忆……常常在课室和朋友看你们的MV,谈起你们在Hello Baby节目上多么可爱,多么好笑. 后来长大了,忙了,越来越少关注Kpop的事情. 有时真的忘了偶像也是人,也会有离开的一天…

钟铉啊~ 我们亲爱的钟铉… 会想你. 真的真的会很想你. 你在天堂有没有看到多少人为你流泪啊? 不寂寞了,好不好?不伤心了,好不好?下来的日子我们会为你好好的过. 你别哭了,别痛苦了……

From the very bottom of my heart, thank you our bling bling Jonghyun. You’ve worked really hard for the past 10 years, now it’s time to take a rest.

来世不见,愿你做个平凡人. 一路走好. 金钟铉,真的再见了……

好看好看

“世界不像你厕所那么小 我能找到你很不容易了。”

哇塞 这电视剧真的非常好看。让我想起当年暗恋班上的某某人,虽然让我心疼可是多年以后回想起来其实也是挺好玩的~

“罗斯塔终于找到了菲莱,我也找到了你 陆洋。”

It’s raining!

I like it when I wake up and it’s raining a lot outside. I had a hard time trying to get out of bed today…. waking up at 7am 4 days in a row was pretty taxing. But hey, so much work to do. And this week is the last week of the semester so I’m really half dreading half excited. Dread because I’ve three presentations and my scripts are so long… excited because after everything is over there will be….

POKÉMON ULTRA SUN AND MOON!!!!!!

But of course I am not gonna touch it until after finals…. which is like, Dec? What the heck right? I don’t think I can do it. But I have yet to decide if I should go for ultra sun or ultra moon….. both looks so good?!?!

Happy 8th anniversary, 비스트

I present to you the most beautiful album I’ve ever bought… I chose the floral version because it’s just so pretty! My Friend got the other version, which is super pretty too!!! 



The biggest reason why I chose version A is because yoseob looks so good ❤️ the posters are super dope too, ahhh I am overjoyed 🙆🏻

Can’t wait for Pokémon Ultra Sun & Moon to be released! HYPE HYPE HYPE!!!!! Since it’s the last 3ds Pokémon game, they really went all out. They brought back all the villains and legendary Pokémons across different generations. LIKE WHAT EVEN!!!!!!! I  M EXCITED!!!!!!!! 


My 3ds is ready too🤘🏻 still can’t decide whether to play ultra sun or moon! Maybe I should just play both. Another game I’m really excited for is the remake of Apollo Justice. 

Recently I am starting to stan a new kpop group. It’s been a while since I discover a new group ok well they’re not really new. But to me everything after 2012 is considered new :p anyway they’re day6!!!!! 


They’re more of a band rather than an idol group, I suppose. And their songs are seriously good. I may or may not have a teeny bit of crush on Dowoon hehehe. But also Jae. Alright I’ll try not to be biased. 

Peace out. 

Sometimes I attend lectures just so I can hear another voice speaking, which will then drown out the voices in my head for a while. 

But even if it’s only for a while…. it’s still good enough. 

Love holds the power to destroy you inside out. It keeps you up at night crying. When it bids you farewell, you’re left with an aching heart, an empty space that take months, sometimes years, to fill up again. Love can make you angry, sad, jealous, disappointed all at once. You become a coward because you’re so afraid your loved ones will leave you. 

But love also holds the power to brighten up your week. It keeps you up at night smiling. When it greets you for the first time, you’re left with a tingly feeling, like everything will be better. Love can make you silly, happy, embarrassed, shy all at once. You’re still afraid but you decide to take one step in anyway.