Day 7699 

I’m scared of the future. 

I did some gambling experiment during tutorial last week and the conclusion was that I’m a risk taker. I took a gamble when there’s a large gain and small loss, but also when there’s a small gain and large loss. Basically, I took a gamble at almost anything. My teacher then asked if the results of this experiment are accurate enough to imply I’m a risk taker in real life. I doubt so. My friend did the experiment after me and his risk taking was very low. Honestly I think he’s a bigger risk taker than me, because he’s in a relationship. An assumption on my part but what bigger risks in life can there be besides those that are offered by love? To be in a Long term commitment, tell me that’s not a huge leap of faith and huge risk to take! Oh the woes that love can bring…a risk that I dare not take. 

My teacher then pointed out how decisions in real life don’t come with probabilities. You don’t get to see which leads to the better outcome. That’s what makes it really tough. Does that mean we shouldn’t blame ourselves for making bad choices? Not like we will know the other choice would be better, right? Judgement and decision-making, what an interesting topic. 

This week is the second last week of school. For once, I think I would miss my classses. This sem was so stressful but oddly fun. Truly, strangely fun. I might miss it. 

But still, day 7699. 

I’m scared of the future. 


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