Happy birthday Kikwang ah~ it’s hard to believe when I first know you we were celebrating your 21st birthday. And now it’s your 28th birthday while I’m 21. Time is kind of scary when it flies by so quickly and unknowingly. 

Highlight managed to clinch a triple crown this week on 3 music shows. I’m so happy for them! Perhaps things are less scary when you have friends to go through it with you. Their bromance is honestly no joke. Stay together as long as you can, okay Highlight? 

Yesterday was not a very good day. The only highlight of my day was watching Kiki and Dongwoonie celebrating his birthday on V Live (see what I did there?). Then I spent the whole day just dazing. And also doing useless things like catching up with Modern Family and TBBT episodes. 

TBBT has changed so much ever since it first started. Everything is so different now and I don’t take change well. Sheldon is no longer Leonard’s roommate and he’s living in Penny’s apartment with Amy. While I understand the need for character development, I dislike the idea of Sheldon in Penny’s apartment. And Sheldon’s old room is now Raj’s room. Surprisingly Sheldon is taking this change better than me…he must’ve really love Amy! Sheldon and Leonard’s apartment had always been the apartment filled with geeky stuff…lightsabers, posters, and all your cool figurines and shit. But now they’ve removed so much of it! Penny’s apartment is so….normal. There’s no figurines and interesting things on display. The show wenr from full-on geekiness to a very toned down one. I truly miss the good old times whereby they were single and rocking the geek life… but character development. 

Anyway, here’s to hoping today won’t suck. 


Words that I wish to speak

To achieve your dreams, you need to first face countless number of rejections.

I try to remind myself about that from time to time.

But still…rejections are scary. Rejections make me too scared to even try. I hate rejections.

The next 2 weeks will be tough. The following weeks will be even tougher.

It worries me. Looking at my schedule it worries me even more.

They reminded me, “This week too, please don’t be sad and let’s fighting~”

I can only hold back my fears (and tears) and pull through.

Being a human really requires a lot of guts. Sometimes, I want to quit.

Peace out.

How do people gym for hours?

Went to exercise for the first time after one year plus and after 20 minutes, I feel like I’m about to get a myocardial infarction. Googled my symptoms and I think it’s time I get a check up. 

Then again, life doesn’t sound any much more fun than death. 

Night owl problems

You gotta be kidding right? 

I spent my whole afternoon napping in study rooms and yawning until tears rolled down my face. I anticipated bedtime.

Now it’s 1:47 am and I’m wide awake. 

You gotta be kidding.

What? Today was amazing…

I may or may not just have one of the best days in school out of the short time I’m here. A little scared when I get too happy because it means sadness will come next. But today was honestly a really good school day ㅋㅋㅋ 

It started off really tiring because I had 8:30 class and I couldn’t get up… I was quite afraid for this class because I skipped last week’s and was way behind time. It was my oils & acrylics class and we had to paint self portraits. I only had 2 hour + to complete last week’s PLUS this week’s work 😂 When I came to class (late…), my teacher was like,”You didn’t come last week? Oh no Jia lat.” but he was patient enough to sit me down and teach me again! It was a little embarrassing because he used my “selfie” to demonstrate….. #selfconsciousproblems. But anyway I unleashed my Kiyo Power and somehow managed to paint even faster than the rest of my classmates! I don’t know if it’s a good thing, but my painting skills improve a lot when I paint UNDER PRESSURE. My teacher actually praised me for catching up and said, “Wah you are really a go getter! How about next week don’t need come too?!” 

I proceeded to run for my next class which sadly, I was late for. Was really scared because the prof dislikes latecomers and I’m almost always late thanks to painting class. Everyone started on their test and somehow I managed to ketchup and finished on time. I didn’t do as badly as I thought I would so…. yay! Class was alright but what got me happy was my prof raised an example about American men and sports team. He said in the U.S., if you don’t have a fav sports team you’re not a man. So for him he will don his Pittsburgh Penguins jersey. Omg my heart started beating so fast and I got so excited!!!!!!!!!! It was only after class I mustered up the courage to ask him, “Prof you’re a pens’ fan?” He said yes and asked me what was I. “I’m a hawks’ fan!!!!!!!!” And he was like, “oh no!!!!” HAHA. He asked me how I got into ice hockey and I asked if he attended the Stanley cup finals last year. He told me another prof was a Jets’ fan. Mannnnnnnn this is so exciting! I seldom find the courage to chat with professors but this was too exciting. I mean, I don’t know a lot of people who watches NHL. And Hawks gets me excited! Oh yeah! My prof also said, “Well Hawks is doing really great now aren’t they?!” I was like YEAH!!!! Can’t wait for THE PLAYOFFS!!!!!!! Hopefully we will have a Hawks VS Pens game, that’ll be really exciting. 

In the evening I played MK with my friends and it was so fun! My throat feels dry from all the shouting haha. It was a really good evening spent 😌 I think the best part of the day is that I got back all my midterms’ results and for the first time in a Long while, I think I didn’t screw up that bad. I am genuinely quite taken aback at my results because I recalled doing real badly….  I don’t know if this is hard work or miracle, but thank you. 

So hyped for Highlight’s album to be out!!!!! All the teasers are so cute! And my idols are suddenly updating their instagram a LOT ever since they quit Cube Ent. They’re such kind people because they kept asking us to smile and don’t frown and be happy. Their album is actually dedicated to all the fans, asking us not to worry too much about them. Ahhhh heart melts. So here’s ending off this post with a cute Selca from Seobie❤️

My heart died

My Namu showing support for his friends, Highlight. My heart is dying ㅋㅋㅋ  I like it so much when my own idols are friends who support each other~~~~  

Managed to catch a live broadcast of Infinite celebrating Myungsoo’s birthday! Happy 26th birthday, Myungsoo ah~ we are all getting old ㅠㅠ 

Cube Ent, farewell.

A beautiful ballad by my Highlight. It feels like debuting all over again. Placed a preorder for their album yesterday for my friend and I. She got the Sense version while I got the Sensibility version. You know your idols are cool when their album versions are named after classical literature! I’ve been worried for them lately, because starting all over again from scratch in the kpop industry is a scary thing. There are so many new kpop groups and for us to spend the past 7 years building up our name ‘BEAST’…now we let go of that name completely and start anew.

That’s okay, we will work hard like we always did. Remember how we were once labelled as the “recycled” group? Now, everyone knows BEAST. And everyone will remember Highlight~ I feel comforted listening to your pre-release song and once again, it is phenomenal! GOOD LIFE really write great songs. I can’t help feeling the title “It’s Still Beautiful” is referring to us. Because we will always be Beauty and the Beast 🙂 Kpop is supposed to make me happy, but I think it’s making me sad recently. I miss MBLAQ so much. I miss my MBLEAST~~~~ But a few days back I realise Dujun and Gikwang occasionally play soccer with Woohyun. Used to call it B2stfinite, but now I don’t know what to call it. Highfinite?

But still, no matter how comfortable you are with someone, if it’s time to leave then pluck up the courage to leave. It’s like a relationship. This relationship started out fun, sweet and full of pleasant times. You worked hard for this person and hope to bring nothing but the best. You are afraid of disappointing this person. What if they replace you? They are far from perfect, but you stayed on thinking that things will get better, or that you will work it out somehow. Problems accumulated, tension arose. You start wondering if it’s your fault for being like that. Somehow they succeeded in making you feel like without them, your life will suck. Like if you leave, you will suffer. You will be happier with them because they are the best you can get. So you stayed on and give it one more try. Maybe the album “Highlight” was Beast’s one last try with Cube Ent. Then one day you woke up and stared at the ceiling. You notice your heart hurts, you feel suffocated. You felt as if someone has chained you down and everything you do is…just not enough for them. You want to leave.

So we did. The 6 of us packed up our “bags” and got the hell outta there. You out of Cube Ent, me out of somewhere else. I will never know your real reason, and no one will ever know mine. I can’t even say that “things just happen”, because they didn’t. They were happening for a long time but we were too afraid to let go and find our new beginning. I am glad we all found our courage to leave in the end. Sure, some nights we still think about it. We still mentally curse them in our heads. But it’s because of people like that that we learn how to defend ourselves in the future. “Having a soft heart in a cruel world is courage, not weakness.” I think my heart became a bit colder each time and I don’t like it… Either way, I will figure things out. Just need that courage to get out of bed each day… like everyone else.

In this shitass life, it’s people like you that make me happier. Thank you for making me feel that life…It’s still beautiful. 하이라이트 화이팅 ❤

Kiyodu day

My lecturer once asked if we can choose how many hours we want in a day, what will we change it to? Some people said 24 was enough, some said 16 some said 36. She said if you want more hours in a day you probably have bad time management. Time always seem lacking for you. But truthfully even if you have more hours, you’ll still end up accomplishing the same amount of work. It won’t be better to extend a deadline. 

Bad time management…or more like too good of a procrastinator. I need to change that but I’ve been trying to since Sec school. Anyway in the midst of wasting time, I happened to go on Instagram at the right moment! I caught Yoseobie and Gikwangie doing insta live! GOSH!!!! How great it was to see their faces~~~~ 

They did it at the same time (unintentionally), and I was like WHO TO CHOOSE??????? I kept juggling between both but I chose Kiki’s first 😘 because he was relating some important message which I couldn’t understand. 

Gosh look at this cutie pie with his sweet smile. Anyway he was really sweet! Halfway through someone commented that Seob was doing an insta live too, and Kikwang went, “really?! He’s doing it too? I didn’t know!” (Or something like that…..my Hangul like poop standard). He spoke with us a bit more then he decided to bid us farewell and told us to go over to Seob’s insta live. He was really nice for not wanting to make us choose hehe. So over to Seob’s I went (and Gikwang went over too!!!!! Omgosh fan girl moment) (we are like watching the same thing at the same time):

Yoseob this boy, he was eating his lunch and he ate for a really Long time while watching TV. He didn’t speak a single word throughout his entire Live LOL. Such a silly kid… probably trying a new style of filming his own life 😏 my mom said Seobie looks so grown up now. 

After it all ended I went back to study OR MORE LIKE SLACKING. A while later my itchy fingers went on insta again and WHAT?! Doojoon was doing insta live! (God bless insta live, and bless my idols for knowing how to use it). 

He was grilling meat and my Mom got hungry. She also said Doojoon is getting more handsome. I told her he has always been handsome. 😉

So with that, it’s been such a great day. Because I managed to catch Kikwang, Yoseob and Dujun all at once. My KIYODU❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ 

Also I had a really delicious mango today. I wanted another one but my Mom didn’t let me…….told me to save it for tomorrow. Can’t wait! 

Anyway evol psych is probably one of the most interesting modules I took. It requires a lot of thinking nowadays but damn, is it not cool. I read about some mind boggling stuff such as indicative & denotative tasks, cheater detection theory, and some other shit that make me really tired. So I’m gonna sleep now peace out. 🤘🏻

Life being life

Suddenly felt that I’m very under accomplished. My TAs are like 24 or 26 and they’re PhD students, and know what they’re interested in. They’ve lived in different countries. I’ve lived in Singapore all my life. Research is their passion. What’s mine? I don’t think research is mine… but still, I envy their enthusiasm and fiery passion. I don’t think I’ll be good at research AT ALL because I am terrible with stats. 

My god. What am I suppose to do with my life? 

Interesting thing. My prof invited a transgender lady to speak to us today. She was really bubbly and motivated. I wish I had a mentality like hers…She told us if she, a transgender, could somehow start with nothing but ended up as a CEO of T Project, and end up where she is today, then the rest of us should never think that we can’t achieve anything. (Something along those lines). 

I think as a Singaporean I’m truly very sheltered. What’s the worst thing I’ve ever experienced in my life? What brought me the greatest pain? I’ve three meals a day, I go to school, I have a shelter over my head. But somehow I can’t seem to find my passion. Can’t believe I’m in my freaking 20s and I still don’t know what to do with my life. Sometimes I think I know, most of the times I’m back to square one. 

Oh well. Peace out. 

I hate school

I unreasonably skipped the very first unrecorded lecture of the Sem today. Somehow I could not find the strength to drag myself back to school. Having some difficulties trying to complete my “holiday” homework….I’ve been chilling too much 😔 

If I can, I would stay in my room forever and be alone. The world out there is too scary ㅠㅠ Uni is scary because of all the grown up decisions I have to make… 

All good things come to an end, baby. So goodbye to my bittersweet recess week which allow me to indulge in my delusional “hanging out” with all my oppas. Goshhhh I can’t get over how absolutely adorable Ji Chang Wook is. ☺️

SIGH. BACK TO SCHOOL BACK TO REALITY…….. GRRRRRRR…. since when did I start hating school so much? The only good thing about this entire month is Highlight’s comeback! ❤️😱 If ex-Beast can face failures and scary obstacles so many times in their life, and still pull through successfully, then so can I.  화이팅~~~