Happy 21st birthday, Pokémon. Thank you for existing, thank you for creating this wonderful franchise.
You gave me something to look forward to during my darkest moments.
You gave me a purpose, albeit a temporary one.
You taught me perseverance which I have yet to master. You taught me the courage that is required to stand up for something you believe in, which I have yet to master. You taught me the importance of friends, but I’m still getting there. Everyone says Ash is lousy because he spent so many years but he still isn’t a Pokémon master. The truth is, something so great can’t be achieved in such a short amount of time right? It can take years, 10 years, 20, maybe 50. A dream that huge, a dream that far fetched, a dream that impossible…it takes time right?
But Ash has a goal and a dream. This takes me back to one of the episodes in XY whereby Serena was feeling so lost and aimless. She didn’t know what she wanted to be, while Ash was all ambitious. Sometimes I’m like Ash, but mostly I’m like Serena. In the end, Serena found her goal, but I have yet to find it. Ah… this aimless life I am leading.
I’ve been feeling really tired these days. If Dazai was here I think he would be pissed at how I am leading my life. It’s just that there’s this pain in my chest that I can’t get rid of. I’m letting it sit there because I don’t have the guts to get rid of it. I don’t even bother trying to figure out how. But I digressed.
I was never good at playing competitive Pokemon. That was something that bothered me. But really, there’s something about getting to set off on an adventure with a team by your side, saving the world, becoming the champion that comforts me. Like I said, it gives me a purpose, albeit a temporary one. Even a temporary purpose is good nowadays.
I think I was having too much of a hard time for the last two months. I think my Doojoon Junhyung Hyunseung Yoseob Gikwang Dongwoon were suffering a lot too. My beautiful B2ST has reached this current stage. When I’m at my lowest point, your music kept me going. I can’t even listen to your music nowadays without tearing up. But then you guys came and say all of you will be okay. I don’t know about HS because 5 of you have each other but who does he have? Others might think I’m crazy for liking you guys so much, getting so involved with your business. Truthfully, the 7 years of supporting all of you has outlast some of my friendships with the actual people around me. What an irony. On the 2nd saddest day of B2STxB2UTY’s life (the 1st was HS leaving), I couldn’t even cry. All the years spent building up the name “BEAST”, the hard work, the pain and hardships faced. The six of you stuck together, faced haters, but received even more love, within a split second your name was taken away from you like this. When I was younger, Beauty and the Beast was one of my Favourite fairytales. I felt that Belle was really pretty with her brown hair, and she has kind eyes. It felt like fate that the first idols I ever felt so crazy in love with was called Beast. I was a B2uty, you were my B2st. I will and always will be immensely proud to call myself a b2uty. The posters in my room still has 6 of you together, with BEAST written across it. Ah…. we are never getting back those days are we? I can go on forever about how much I’ll miss those days, but I know you 6 will be feeling 10 times sadder than me. Maybe 20x. 100x.
It’s okay. We will start together again. My Doojoonie, yoseobie, kikwangie, Son nam shin, junhyungie. All 5 of you on one side. And my Hyunseungie, you on the other. I’ll support both sides and try not to overthink.
All of us will be okay, I promise.