A Freshie No More

So there’s that. Done with the very first year of my uni life and it has so many ups and downs, but I have learnt so much from all the new people I met. I wish I can tell you I participated in many new activities and perhaps join ODAC and became more extroverted and outgoing, but truth is, I barely did anything in my Freshman year haha! Except that maybe it isn’t wrong to not try new things you know? Maybe I am okay with being an introvert and maybe I really don’t like to play competitive sports, or go hiking with my club during the holidays. And it’s still okay 🙂

I made a lot of friends though, some I definitely want to keep for a long time. I lost friends too, some I wished I could’ve kept for a long time. Now that I know how uni life is like, I sure hope next sem I can do better and take charge of my life better.

It’s May already, my goodness. I am turning 21 soon and let’s be honest, I am nothing like my younger self imagined. I still do childish things sometimes, I am still crazy over Pokemon. I still Maple sometimes, I still throw silly tantrums when the weather is too hot. I still bring helium balloons home, I am still careless and forgetful. I still wish I can be friends with my idols, I still spend my hols lazing around. I still don’t know which are credit which are debit cards. I still don’t know how stocks work. I still got $0 to my name, I still don’t have my driving license. I am still scared of bugs. I still forget to eat my meals sometimes, I still procrastinate. I still skip classes as and when I like, I still forget to think about the consequences. I still do things based on my feelings, I still choose to follow my heart. I still let my heart get broken, I still continue to fall in love and wish the next one will be different. I still make mistakes, I am still scared of a lot of things in life. I still don’t know my future plan, I still don’t know where to start. I still don’t know how to juggle a work-life balance, I still don’t really mind that much. I still reply texts slow, I am still mean to myself sometimes. But…..

I am still me. I am still the girl who likes Pokemon and plays Maple. I am still the girl who wishes to be a Jedi Master or a mage or an assassin. I am still the girl who wants to learn to drive because one day I want to be like those Fast and Furious people. I still love balloons, I still love dogs. I still have a heart and I am still scared of bugs. Because deep down, I am still that girl who screws up, breaks down, stand up, fight on, screws up, falls down, and still stand up.

I am okay with letting the child in me win sometimes. Because adults can be so boring and cruel.I kept thinking that hitting 21 meant that I have to let go of the childish me and GROW UP. Maybe that is why I am so scared. Maybe that’s why I failed to realise I have indeed grew up. I have learnt to apologise even when it’s not my fault, to give in because sometimes losing is winning. I have learnt to treat friends the right way, I have learnt to cherish my family more. I have learnt that friends isn’t about quantity, it’s about quality. I have learnt that true friends ain’t the ones who are afraid to share your problems. I have learnt that when people ask you “How’s your day?” doesn’t mean they want to hear everything. I have learnt that I am the only person who will always be in my life. I am the only person who cannot leave my life. I have learnt that the world is a mixture of cruelty and compassion, and will always be that way. I have learnt that it’s indeed a dog-eat-dog world out there, but it doesn’t mean you have to become mean. It doesn’t mean you have to change yourself. I have learnt that when people say mean words to you, it doesn’t mean you lose the battle when you stay quiet. And most importantly, I have learnt that just because two people are in love, it doesn’t always mean they will be in each other’s lives forever. Because sometimes…even though there are happy days, the comparison level for alternatives is really a lot higher. I have learnt that some people are just not meant to be.

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