It’s been 5 days since my favorite book character died and I’m still not quite over it. That’s the thing I hate about books. When the character gets killed off, you can reread the parts when he/she is still alive, but you can’t bring them back. At the end, the book still ends in the same way. Same for life, I guess. Oh by the way, no spoilers. I’ll make sure I don’t accidentally leak out what book I was reading…just don’t think too deeply and you won’t blame me for spoiling a wonderful series.
I’m still young so there are a lot of books that I’ve yet to complete. There are still many book characters waiting for me to discover them. But at this moment, Babalinga (NOT his/her real name) is my favorite character. Why? Personally, I’m not the most optimistic person out there. Although I’m trying very hard to learn to become one. To force myself to become one. I’m extremely optimistic in certain areas…but when it comes to my own circumstances, pffft.
Sometimes I just think of all the years I’ve to go through…this “Life” that I have to live. I feel a little tired and scared. Mostly scared. Afraid that one day I’ll be on my death bed and realized all the dreams I dreamt about when I am a child, turned out to be unfulfilled. I’m afraid I’ll be dying with regrets. I’m afraid that I won’t succeed in making the world a better place because it’s just so damn hard sometimes. I’m nobody special, I’m no Mother Tereasa, no Albert Einstein. And that’s why Babalinga is my fav character.
It (in order not to reveal is it a He or a She) found itself in the most undesirable circumstances. Life threatening situations. Losing its friends one by one. Helplessness. Fear. Being controlled by higher authorities. No family. Nothing. Yet it found itself the power and courage to keep on going, one day at a time. And that’s all we need to do, you know? Sounds easy, yet so tough. Babalinga is a leader, yet reluctant to call itself one. It listens to the people around, and help them. It trusts them, and they trust it. Babalinga is the kind of friend I really want to meet in life. Reliable, trustworthy, always so happy.
So when Babalinga died, in the saddest way you can imagine, I was heartbroken. I was sobbing (without tears), if that’s possible. It was a bad idea to read the book in public hehe. Even till the end, Babalinga was being so…beautiful. In its personality, I mean. I’m not sure if this is a spoiler, but I supposed if you don’t know what book I’m talking about then there’s no way it can be spoiled.
Before it dies, Babalinga revealed that it tried to kill itself once. Because it couldn’t accept its situation, and hated every living moment of it. Now I’m really sad thinking about it. When I first met Babalinga (in the book), I looked up to its infectious optimism. Babalinga has such a…trustworthy and happy soul and that’s why its my favorite character. So when I found out Babalinga was never always this happy person, I feel sad and happy at the same time.
In the end we are all the same. We are happy now, and in the future. But there’s always that one time we wanted to give up badly. Somehow that makes me feel a lot better and less lonely 🙂 I suppose if Babalinga can teach itself to be brave and happy enough to move forward, we all can.
Babalinga is such a selfless character, so lovable. It did not deserve to die. As I’m sitting in the airport, having finished the series, my mind is blank. Goodbye Babalinga…
“Why do good people die?”
“If you’re in a garden, which flowers do you pick? The most beautiful ones.”
Oh, and Merry Christmas Eve 🙂 Have a good one.