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I feel kind of pissed off. I went on YouTube to check out some recent music videos and I feel annoyed. Why are the music videos nowadays so filled with scantily clad female beings prancing around? Yeah I get it. This is a normal sight for our generation. Usually I don’t care that much. But today’s the kind of day every single little thing pisses me off, including not being able to find good music. Argh.

Babalinga is a terrible name

It’s been 5 days since my favorite book character died and I’m still not quite over it. That’s the thing I hate about books. When the character gets killed off, you can reread the parts when he/she is still alive, but you can’t bring them back. At the end, the book still ends in the same way. Same for life, I guess. Oh by the way, no spoilers. I’ll make sure I don’t accidentally leak out what book I was reading…just don’t think too deeply and you won’t blame me for spoiling a wonderful series.

I’m still young so there are a lot of books that I’ve yet to complete. There are still many book characters waiting for me to discover them. But at this moment, Babalinga (NOT his/her real name) is my favorite character. Why? Personally, I’m not the most optimistic person out there. Although I’m trying very hard to learn to become one. To force myself to become one. I’m extremely optimistic in certain areas…but when it comes to my own circumstances, pffft.

Sometimes I just think of all the years I’ve to go through…this “Life” that I have to live. I feel a little tired and scared. Mostly scared. Afraid that one day I’ll be on my death bed and realized all the dreams I dreamt about when I am a child, turned out to be unfulfilled. I’m afraid I’ll be dying with regrets. I’m afraid that I won’t succeed in making the world a better place because it’s just so damn hard sometimes. I’m nobody special, I’m no Mother Tereasa, no Albert Einstein. And that’s why Babalinga is my fav character.

It (in order not to reveal is it a He or a She) found itself in the most undesirable circumstances. Life threatening situations. Losing its friends one by one. Helplessness. Fear. Being controlled by higher authorities. No family. Nothing. Yet it found itself the power and courage to keep on going, one day at a time. And that’s all we need to do, you know? Sounds easy, yet so tough. Babalinga is a leader, yet reluctant to call itself one. It listens to the people around, and help them. It trusts them, and they trust it. Babalinga is the kind of friend I really want to meet in life. Reliable, trustworthy, always so happy.

So when Babalinga died, in the saddest way you can imagine, I was heartbroken. I was sobbing (without tears), if that’s possible. It was a bad idea to read the book in public hehe. Even till the end, Babalinga was being so…beautiful. In its personality, I mean. I’m not sure if this is a spoiler, but I supposed if you don’t know what book I’m talking about then there’s no way it can be spoiled.

Before it dies, Babalinga revealed that it tried to kill itself once. Because it couldn’t accept its situation, and hated every living moment of it. Now I’m really sad thinking about it. When I first met Babalinga (in the book), I looked up to its infectious optimism. Babalinga has such a…trustworthy and happy soul and that’s why its my favorite character. So when I found out Babalinga was never always this happy person, I feel sad and happy at the same time.

In the end we are all the same. We are happy now, and in the future. But there’s always that one time we wanted to give up badly. Somehow that makes me feel a lot better and less lonely 🙂 I suppose if Babalinga can teach itself to be brave and happy enough to move forward, we all can.

Babalinga is such a selfless character, so lovable. It did not deserve to die. As I’m sitting in the airport, having finished the series, my mind is blank. Goodbye Babalinga…

“Why do good people die?”
“If you’re in a garden, which flowers do you pick? The most beautiful ones.”

Oh, and Merry Christmas Eve 🙂 Have a good one.

You won’t understand how fun it is

Today’s been such a great day. Or to be more accurate, yesterday. Actually it’s been a great week. Managed to relax properly after such a disappointing year, but I think December is going to be pleasant. Even if I can’t start my year happily, I sure hope I can end it well.

My entire evening was spent watching the annual Mnet Asian Music Awards (MAMA). As always. I sat through the entire 7 hours, just waiting for INFINITE, BTS and IU. But it was worthwhile. Of course it’s worthwhile. That’s why I’m happy. Seeing my idols has always been an extremely delightful thing. I doubt I’ll ever stop being such a fangirl. It reminded me of the video of the elderly women fangirling over Elvis Presley. That’s me in 100 years’ time.

It’s pretty tough being a Fangirl sometimes. YOU NEED STRATEGIES.

Summary of being a Kpop Fangirl:

1) You gotta distribute your $$ well throughout the year so that you can purchase their albums and merchandise. Oh wait they’re coming SG? NOW you need $$$$$ to attend the concert. And if you, like me, are a fan of at least 5 Kpop groups, just pray hard they don’t visit SG in the same year. $$$$$$$.

2) $$$$$$. So much $$$$$$ needed.

3) Suddenly one of them announces they’re secretly dating someone for the past 5 months. Now you gotta deal with the inevitable heartbreak that you’re just a puny human being in an entire different country speaking an entirely different language and P(Kpop idol as BF) = 0.000000000000001. Then you have to listen to the sane non-kpoppers lecturing, “of course he’s not gonna date you! He’s an IDOL! Pffffft.” As if I didn’t already know!

But the heart is a silly organ. When you love, you just love. How can you love but not love too much? And them being so friendly and good-looking, the heart never listens. The heart loves fully. Too bad, P(Kpop idol as BF) = 0.000000000000000000000001.

4) But you still support them. So $$$$$$$$ still needed.

5) Then you gotta deal with haters (who usually don’t even listen to Kpop) telling you, “Kpop sucks” “plastic faces” “can’t even sing” “they’re so ugly” “Kpop sucks” “Kpop sucks”.

And you can only tell them “Shush….Kpop idols, plastic or not, are still human beings. They’re still people with feelings, passion, talents, perseverance. They faced countless rejections and stress until they finally get accepted in the entertainment industry. Then they trained for 4-5 years. Then they finally debut, and now they have to deal with haters who apparently listen to music with eyes not ears. But it’s okay, their passion for dancing and singing outweigh their fear of failure, fear of societal pressure. So don’t go around hating on a certain genre of music, because music is supposed to bring joy not hate.”
I seriously can’t emphasize this enough, listen to music with ears not eyes. And also not all Koreans undergo plastic surgery so don’t be ignorant! I think my Korean friends do not have any work done.

6) But of course, tiring and financially draining as it may be, the happiness received in return is invaluable. 😉

Okay abrupt ending. Goodnight! Hopefully I dream of my idols tonight teehee.

P.S it’s been exactly 4 years since I attended my first Kpop concert. That’s fast…

Nothing to do, might as well

I finally “motivated” myself to start watching all the superhero movies that have accumulated over the years. Even when it comes to watching movies, I am still good at procrastinating. A lingering question on my mind over the years has always been, “Which is my favourite superhero?”. So…we have Batman, Spiderman, Aquaman, Iron Man, Superman, Flash etc. In order to answer my own question, I’ve decided to embark on what I call “The Superhero Marathon”. To be fair and square to all the superheroes out there, I shall watch every one of your movies so that my judgement will no longer be biased. Before this, I’ve always been labeling Iron Man as my favourite superhero, but that’s because I like his armor and house. And realistically speaking, if you could successfully build his armor then you could become Iron Man. After all, his superpower is his armor, which is more likely to obtain rather than a radioactive spider…Oh wait, maybe that’s possible too…

So I guess the next few days or even weeks, I will be holed up in my room and watching every single movie before deciding on my verdict. Or maybe I will just get bored and stop halfway. Nah, I shall obtain the answer to my question before 2014 ends.

But…why do we have so many men but so little women? Why Cat Woman, not Bird Lady? Why Iron Man, why not use alloy? So many questions, but no answers.