Random thoughts that tire my brain

I got reminded of a book I once read. I think it’s called Pivot Point. The female lead could conduct a “Search” and artificially live out the consequences of the different choices she made. And then she’s allowed to return back to reality AND make the actual choice. Sometimes (like today), I honestly think I made a lot of wrong decisions in my life. Maybe if I hadn’t done that 6 years ago, maybe if I hadn’t said that 11 years ago etc. Then maybe I wouldn’t be going through this today, or living like this today, or losing some people today.

They always say the choices you made, makes you the person you are today. If you hadn’t done that you wouldn’t have met this person blah blah blah. But I really think if you had make the other choice, you’re gonna say the same thing too. Because you wouldn’t know what you’re missing out if you didn’t make this choice. And you would think that the other choice you made brought you to a better place. Or made you a better person. If you don’t know what you’re missing out, that means you’re not missing out on anything? Is that really true? You could have made a wrong choice but lie to yourself, “I’m glad I did that because it taught me to be a better person.” I don’t know why people always say that. I’m thinking saying that will only be useful if I could actually go back in time and then make that right decision. Only that will make me a better person, no?

The only good thing about making wrong life decisions is that your life become so wrong that it can’t go more wrong. I hope?

I remembered when I was 11, I was exploring the calendar on the hand phone. I kept scrolling past the months, from 2006…to 2010….and I remember reaching 2013 and thinking, “WOW. I’ll be 18 in 2013?!?! Can’t imagine myself being 18!” I really thought that when I am 18, things will be different. Maybe I’ll have more things figured out. Maybe I will be different.

But now I’m 19 I still have no idea what I’m doing. And I’m still making random “life” decisions on impulse. AND thinking the Future Me can handle the consequences of my impulsive decisions. AND THEN realizing sometimes I really can’t. And then having to pretend that “oh it made me a better person”.

It’s kind of crazy of when you realise that every single decision you’re making will lead you to different places in life. Perhaps you decided to eat a burger today. And this is the same burger that gave you that extra layer of fats. This is the same layer of fats that will somehow stay accumulated over the years and eventually gives you a disease. The very disease that kills you in 3014. Maybe if you didn’t eat that burger today, you’ll live till 3015. And that’s when you strike a million dollar lottery. You decided to go on a holiday with that money and while climbing a mountain, you fell to your death. So maybe you shouldn’t have won that lottery. But then you lost your job and went bankrupt. You’re now homeless and eventually froze to death. So maybe you should have won. Or maybe eating that burger would be better.

Infinite possibilities, I guess we will never find out. There are so many sperms, so many eggs. What if another sperm won? What if another egg was used? There will be another you but it isn’t exactly you. And the other you will be berating herself/himself for making bad life decisions, and she/he wonders what will happen if another sperm won.

How did I end up talking about winner sperms and loser sperms? No idea.

But hey if you’re still alive, it means the bad life decisions you made aren’t that bad right? I’m glad that all the bad decisions I made did not give me the flesh-eating bacteria. Those things are so nasty. (Things to be thankful for!)


Thanks Ronald

For the past 10 years I’ve been living in Simei, I’ve always been wishing for this to happen. And also wondering why it doesn’t.

Why is it Tampines has 4? Pasir Ris has 4. And Simei has 0. I kept asking around, and the answer I got was, “Because Tampines already has 4, why does Simei need 1?”

I can never understand why Simei doesn’t need one. Because I needed it so badly. It seems ridiculous not to have one in Simei, just because we are a puny ghostly neighborhood but filled with cool people. But I never gave up hope and I kept wishing so hard for one. Just one. One is enough.

And today, I finally received the news…
Well you know Eastpoint mall (you have to know Eastpoint Mall…it’s the only mall in Simei) had been undergoing renovation for over a year already. And….and…and…

*crashes cymbals*
*hits a gong*
*plays the trumpet*

AND SIMEI IS FINALLY GOING TO HAVE A MACDONALD’S!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m over the moon, the sun, the Death Star. No more having to go all the way to Tampines to get my freaking McSpicy. And everytime I crave for that succulent piece of unhealthy, preservatives-filled meat, it’s right here in Siiiiiimeiiiii.

So what if you have 4, Tampines? So what if you have 4 too , Pasir Ris?

I’ll love my one and only Macs in my one and only ghostly town of Simei. Now no one’s gonna laugh at Simei anymore. We have KFC, Macs, Popular, Daiso, oh wait. Oh my goodness.

I can’t believe this.

We don’t have a library.

Ok fine Tampines and Pasir Ris AND Bedok, you guys win! 😥

The second piece of wonderful news I received is that there’s a possibility that MBLAQ will continue to stay as 5 despite all the issues with their company blah blah blah…..

To test H0 : MBLAQ = 5
Against H1 : MBLAQ is less than 5
(For some reason they won’t let me put the less than sign O__O)

Since p value is more than 0.0000000, H0 is not rejected as there is insufficient evidence to support the claim that MBLAQ will not exists as five anymore.

At 0% significance level, there is a probability of 0.0000000 that H0 will be wrongly rejected ie. MBLAQ will forever exists as OT5.


I say 2014, you say Yucks.

To whoever that’s going through a difficult phase in life right now:

I just want to tell you and make sure you know that one day, everything will be going the way you wanted it to be. While “some day” seems really far away, One Day is definitely drawing near. It can be tomorrow, or the day after, a month later, or a year later. The wait for that One Day to arrive may seemed like Forever, or even Never. But that’s all in your head.

I know that if your Future Self have the resources to time-travel, he/she will be right beside you now to tell you that you made it in the end. Unfortunately, your Future Self is probably still living in the era that time machines have yet to be invented. Which is good news, because it means you’re not too far away from that Future Self you want to be. 🙂

But I’m sure your Future Self will tell you that you’ve cried or panicked for nothing. Because that’ll be what I will tell my Past Self if I could. However it is still okay to be a crybaby sometimes. BUT you “cry to keep going, don’t cry to give up”. That’s a quote from a famous motivational speaker but I forgot his name… Oops 😛

There are countless challenging situations in life, and some of them really deliver suicidal thoughts to our heads so constantly. Just a few days back, there was a fatal accident during a Kpop Concert, whereby many concert-goers fell to their death due to neglection of safety precautions. What happened was, too many people were standing on the ventilation thingy and it collapsed. It’s very tragic, but if you want to blame someone, there’s a lot of people you can blame.

Sadly, the concert planner took the blame all by himself and committed suicide. I feel very sad for him because he must have been in so much emotional pain…

So, there are indeed a lot of challenging situations in life that leaves you hanging at the edge of the cliff. It’s hard to find the strength to hold on to the edge, and it’s even tougher to pull yourself back over the edge. The easy way? Let go of the edge. But letting go of the edge also means letting go of a lot of things. Can’t tell you what, because I have no idea.

But one day when you encounter this “thing”, you’ll be glad you didn’t let go. So, I hope all of us will pull ourselves back over the edge of the cliff, walk away from it and never look back. Eventually we will be so far away from the edge, you won’t even remember you were once there.

2014 is such a shitty year for me, occasionally punctuated with some goodness. And there’s 2 more effing months to go. But still, I’m looking forward to 2015 because 2+0+1+5 = 8 and 8 sounds like “prosper” in the Chinese language and I just made that up. But it’ll be an amazing year ahead and Ebola’s gonna die and the world will stop fighting and we will keep smiling.

Let’s survive this!

The One who’s going through a difficult time right now too.


I think if you’re together with a same group of people for 1825 days, it’s kind of a big deal.

In the Kpop world, there’s a term called the “Five Year Curse”. The netizens believe that a Kpop group can probably last 5 years before shit starts to happen. Shit = scandals, disputes with fellow members or company, members leaving, disbandment etc. Being an idol is definitely not an easy task, and after 1825 days, some enthusiasm regarding your career choice might die off. With that being said, I want to congratulate a particular group of people who became a significant part of my life since I was 15…..

You did it, BEAST!

You guys spent 5 long years together through the joy, the tears, the pain, the hateful comments, the taste of success. 🙂 Although I don’t want to speak too soon, B2ST really has the least scandals among all the Kpop groups. And I’m really proud of that! Once deemed the “recycled” group by the public (because they were either rejected from other groups or had a not so outstanding solo career), they’ve really come so, so, so, so, so far.

I really am so proud to call myself their aircon. Because fans are too weak. Oh maybe I should mention that before 7th July 2010, I also harbour the stereotype that all Kpop boy bands are a bunch of “girly guys in make up with identical faces, dancing and singing together in a language I don’t understand”. *smiles weakly* Definitely could not understand some of my friends who were into Kpop at that time. Prior to that I really had no idols at all, I wasn’t even a fan or aircon or refrigerator.

I came across B2ST on the night of 7/7/10, when I was casually flicking through tv channels and landed on Channel 5. “Okay…probably another Kpop group. Oh they’re in Singapore, cool. Not interested. Let’s switch th….wait. Wait a MIN. What’s this group? Omg that’s the cutest looking guy I’ve ever seen. Wait… That other guy is cute too! Who is THIS?” And that’s how I got married to a Korean man at the age of 15 hahahaha hahahaha. Just kidddddddding.

Needless to say, I became one of those insane fangirls. But I prefer the term aircongirls. My mom became an aircon of them too and sometimes when I aircongirl over Infinite, she would say, “What about BEAST?!?!” Oh mothers.

I actually just realised being an aircongirl is pretty fun. I also realised that “aircongirl” sounds like I’m here to clean aircons or something. Maybe that’s why they call it “fangirls” for a reason. Fans are easier to clean than aircons?

I’ll never forget the day 기광 maintained eye contact with me for way too long, and stood right in front of me (ok fine. On the stage. With one person between us). I swear the whole world froze and we were just looking at each other. *ahhhhhhhhhh* Too bad I probably looked like an idiot with my eyes “O__O” and he stared back with “•___•”
Good times 😉

I think I digressed so much in this post! I am just so proud and happy for them! I’m like a proud mother hen with 20 freshly laid eggs! So thank you 비스트 for producing amazing music. For being multi-talented (producing your own albums, acting, singing, dancing), but still remaining one of the most genuine and kindest people I’ve ever “known”. For breaking the typical Kpop stereotype. For being dog lovers 😉 For helping me pull through the terrible nights of PW whereby I want to sleep so badly but can’t afford to. For being the idols that I’ll always be so proud of!

The future is always so uncertain. Will the world end? Will we die? But for now, I’m glad we made it to the 1825th day together. 🙂

Forever is a word that doesn’t exist

Just a life-changing post about how 2 of my “boyfriends” are leaving me. 😦
Read at your own risk/boredom.

4th December 2010

I still remember the day I first met y’all, and you guys were the first group to grace the stage. I noticed all of you looked sooo good in real life! At that time, I wasn’t quite familiar with your music yet. But I knew you guys were gonna be on my “top male groups” list.

Oh my gosh, MBLAQ. Why must you guys break up?

I haven’t been in touch with Kpop news for way too long. But I was confident that nothing bad/scandalous was going to happen to my fav Kpop groups.


Until tonight, my friend dropped me the news and my heart shattered into pieces. I seriously thought it was a prank… Maybe they got April mixed up. But no no no NONONONONONONONONONONONOMBLAQWHY?!

Apparently Lee Joon and Thunder decided to withdraw from Mblaq. On the bright side, the group “MBLAQ” still exists. On the extremely dark side, what is MBLAQ with just three members left?!????? What is MBLAQ without Joon and Thunder? Oh c’mon. After all these years…loving all 5 of them together….

It’s like they’re slicing off two of my fingers and telling me to “Live without those two fingers!” -_____- #greatanalogy #whyamihashtagginginwordpress

Well thanks. For dropping the news 2 days before your 5th anniversary. Thanks for not letting me know in advance that 2010 was the first and last time I will see the 5 of you together. Thanks for breaking my heart I am devastated.

Sigh see what I mean? Good things really can’t last forever, even if they want to. Things need an expiry date for us to learn how to appreciate. All I can say is, once an A+, forever an A+. (That’s the fandom name, in case you’re confused.) (If you actually read until this sentence, thank you?! For reading.)

I guess I’ll try to understand your personal reasons for leaving. I don’t know how I’ll live with only three fingers left, but I’ll try to…..I hope one day my two fingers will grow back. I hope my other three fingers are coping well too, they must be feeling even more upset than me! 😦

Anyway I was kidding. Thank you MBLAQ for being one of my fav Kpop groups since 2010, and one of the reasons that kept me going back to Kpop. I know when it comes to Kpop, a lot of people think of “girly looking boys with makeup and identical faces, dancing and singing”. So thanks MBLAQ for being one of those groups to BREAK that stereotype, and producing real music that I’ll always love. Thanks for helping me get through the stressful O levels period with your funny variety shows. Thanks for making me laugh! Thanks for being my “icebreaker topic” in JC1, and that’s how I got to know 2 of my classmates better! I’m really glad I got to see the 5 of you on stage at least once! And for being such good friends with BEAST, it always makes me overjoyed to see both of my fav groups chilling together. 🙂

I shall stop here. I think I’m going overboard and acting like they are…dead or something. *smashes palm into wood*

Oh wait one more thing.
Most importantly, thanks for telling us that “it’s okay we didn’t win a trophy, as long as you fans like the song, we are happy. So please don’t be sad.” BECAUSE MBLAQ is and will always be one of the most underrated Kpop groups EVER PFFFFFFT. 😥

My heart really hurts.