The air is toxic

I’m looking for an insect killer/hunter that offers his/her services 24/7 and will turn up maximum 5 mins after I call for help. I will pay you. Really.

Just a while ago, I was sitting at my table minding my own business, and suddenly out of the corner of my eyes, I saw something moved. I wasn’t even wearing my specs but from the way it moved, I went “oh shit, spider spider spider spiderrrrrrr” (not bad right? I’m an insect-movements-identification expert). The worst thing is that I am home alone.

After standing there for a few minutes, I realised that watching the spider until my mom got home isn’t gonna work. That eight-legged monster (sorry spider lovers. I understand how hurting it is to hear some coward call your fav animal a “monster”) (but whatever, monster lover :p ) started climbing up my ceiling despite me trying to patiently reason with him. Or her.

So I started evacuating all my belongings in my room, my soft toys, my pillows, my laptop and apologized to those who had to stay to fight the “Great Spider War” with me. Grabbed a can of insecticide and a roll of newspapers and continue to stand there. Tried to figure which weapon to use but started spraying like a psycho when the spider moved even faster.

Yes I, SH, attempted to kill a spider for the first time of my life. Would you like to make a guess how much insecticide I sprayed at the spider??!!!! The spider was the “fire”, the insecticide was the “extinguisher”. I kept spraying as it fell from its web (or maybe it was escaping with its web), I kept spraying and spraying and spraying…..

AND THEN I LOST THE BODY. I have no idea why people like to have wooden floors that help black spiders/insects to camouflage. So I tried to look for the corpse but to no avail, and suddenly I felt the urge to vomit and faint. I think I sprayed too much insecticide…

Called my mom to tell her to get home asap and she went “Small matter la! I need to go post office and then I need to….” “Mama I’m going to faint!” “Open the windows. I need to go post office!”

So sad. Currently locking myself in my bro’s room. I swear I sprayed too much insecticide, my WHOLE HOUSE is filled with it. And my head is spinning like mad and I just vomited nothing important out. My throat is filled with the insecticide smell and I can TASTE IT. This is so disgusting. I finally understand the feeling of drinking insecticide. And Spidey’s body is still missing but if that monster survived this whole ordeal (while I’m here suffering from excessive spraying of insecticide) that Spider is immortal.

Having a massive headache now. Hahaha what an amusing day, but in a horrible way. I feel sick right now, and all I did was try to kill a spider…………

SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

/edited

Mom is home and nagging, “Why do you even need insecticide for a spider?!” Spider is dead, its body curled up in the saddest and most gruesome way, I’m still feeling nauseous and spitting out my saliva that tastes like insecticide.

Life.

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