Love holds the power to destroy you inside out. It keeps you up at night crying. When it bids you farewell, you’re left with an aching heart, an empty space that take months, sometimes years, to fill up again. Love can make you angry, sad, jealous, disappointed all at once. You become a coward because you’re so afraid your loved ones will leave you.
But love also holds the power to brighten up your week. It keeps you up at night smiling. When it greets you for the first time, you’re left with a tingly feeling, like everything will be better. Love can make you silly, happy, embarrassed, shy all at once. You’re still afraid but you decide to take one step in anyway.
Today was a special day. It was Chang Wook oppa’s last official schedule. In other words, it’s the last time I’m going to see him… It was super nice of him to have one last V Live broadcast for all his fans. In this last broadcast, he prepared his playlist of songs (so that we can listen to the songs when we miss him), a playlist of movies (to watch when we miss him), his recommended list of dramas starring him (to slowly watch over the 21 months). At the start of the broadcast, 오빠 told the fans not to ask him 3 things: 1) Don’t ask him to show his abs cos he doesn’t have any, 2) Don’t ask him to choose which of his acting projects were the most memorable (it’s hard to choose) and lastly 3) Don’t ask him not to go army because he has to serve his country ㅋㅋㅋ
It was quite a bittersweet process. Bitter because I’m genuinely gonna miss this boy so much. Sweet because he was smiling and promised to have more concerts when he return. He even wrote some sweet stuff and froze to let us screenshot and set as wallpaper HAHAHAHA! How cute is Chang Wook?!
Anyway, yesterday was unbelievable! I actually won in a JCW giveaway and GUESS WHAT? I won a mega huge poster with HIS AUTOGRAPH!!!!!! Omg. Exhilarated. The lady commented that I must be a huge fan because I submitted so many entries. I could only grin sheepishly.
I even asked her, “Was this really signed by Ji Chang Wook???” She said Yes!!! And proceeded to show me where he signed a little too hard and the ink bled through. It’s even more incredible to touch something my idol has touched before (￣▽￣) This is probably my first time winning a kpop related giveaway, so happy!!!!!!!!!!
Anyway, in this post I actually just want to say… I will wait for you, Chang Wook ah~ I know you’re super worried that you will be forgotten by your fans after enlisting in the army. For 21 months there will be no Ji Chang Wook on TV screens. But here’s me assuring you that yes, we will all wait for you. So please serve your nation well and be healthy. And North Korea, here’s me being a silly fangirl advising you not to do any weird shit to South Korea for the next few years. 拜托啦 因为我的偶像全部都要进兵了 🤦🏻♀️
For the next 21 months without you, I’m gonna work harder. On my 24th birthday, you’ll be back!!! 21 months isn’t that Long right? ㅠㅠ it shouldn’t be long… but here’s me promising you that when you’re back from army, I’ll still be as big of a fan as I am now. And come to Singapore so that I can see you. Just like you mentioned, we are gonna meet in 2019 as more mature and better people.
At the start of 2014, it was pretty bad. I remember sitting down on the grass, staring at the cars driving by and listening to ‘Iridescent’ on replay. It was one of my go-to songs when I’m feeling discouraged.
I get reminded all over again why I chose my major. It was a long year trying to figure things out, trying to feel worthwhile. Some people don’t quite understand what it feels like to be so sad you can’t even get up. You know what the symptoms of depression are, you know people who suffer from it. But everything you know, you know it from the books. What do you really know?
Some people don’t quite understand how it feels like to think you’re a burden to literally everyone around you. I don’t just mean the kind whereby you forget your books & your parent drove all the way to pass it to you. I also mean the kind of burden whereby you genuinely think people will be so much happier without you. You can’t do anything right, you have all these dreams and goals but never good enough to fulfill them. You stay in bed all day, watching the sky outside turn from dark to light to dark again. And some people don’t understand. They think it’s all in your head.
I get annoyed just thinking about all the people who think those who commit suicide are cowards. Because if you really think that, then you truly don’t understand what sadness can do to you. Death by suicide hits me so hard in the guts. Why?
For someone to actually go through the process of harshly taking their own life away, I can only imagine how devestated they must’ve felt towards life. To think you have nothing left in this world to smile about, oh boy…how sad you must have been? My heart aches when I think of this. My only regret is that the stigma towards mental health has a slow progress. Honestly I think the only way you can truly understand someone is to feel what they felt.
The last time I wrote about death by suicide was Robin Williams. It happens every single day, we have to do something about it. Williams’ death hit me hard as well because his role in Dead Poets’ Society made me a better person.
You know what hurts me the most about Chester’s and Robin’s deaths? What they created gave me hope to continue on facing the difficulties of life, yet they themselves failed to do so. If only those people you “saved” could save you too. I’m so sorry we couldn’t….
Thank you, Chester. Linkin Park would’ve been so different without you and your voice is irreplaceable. It might take me a while to listen to LP songs without my eyes tearing up, but I sincerely hope you found the peace you so longed for. And your kids….oh boy, I hope that they’ll grow up well. Rest in peace.
When my time comes, forget the wrong that I’ve done. Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed. Don’t resent me and when you’re feeling empty, keep me in your memory, and leave out all the rest.
Leave out all the rest. ❤️
It’s been a tiring day today in the virtual world. I’ve been hatching so many slowpoke eggs since last night and I still haven’t gotten a perfect IV one. Unbelievable! This is compared to me hatching merely a few eggs to get a perfect IV torchic. If rage-quitting is possible in Pokemon, then yes I rage quitted. Why does quitted sounds so strange? It’s quit isn’t it? Oh whatever.
And then I finally did some math today when I realised why my e shop is charging me 15% tax. I recalled my region was set to Alberta, Canada (which was supposed to be 5% tax). You know how many things I bought from the e shop a not? Today then realised I forgot to change e shop settings to Alberta. My heart is broken over all the $ I lost to taxes. I can’t emphasise enough— you know how many things I bought a not?! What took me so long to realise I was paying 15% taxes and not 5?!? My math is horrible! It was only today I bothered to take out my calculator to count. I think I sat in silence for a really long time thinking about all the $ I lost to taxes. #randomrant
Well, I guess I was in a pretty sour mood so I decided to buy the BoTW themes I was eyeing for a long time. In case you’re thinking why I’m so upset about forgetting to change my region to Alberta, this is an example. The theme costs $3.30 sgd if it’s Alberta, and $5+ if it’s in my original region (which was Quebec). Different regions have different taxes. So imagine that amount for all the things I bought. 幹!!!!!!!
My 3ds looks yellowish here but rest assured it’s the lighting. Argh it upsets me so much when my device gets dirty. Always got dust particles stick to it. And fingerprints (ok my oily hands la HAHA). I’ve been eyeing these themes for so long since it came out. AGHHHHHH finally YOLO!!!!! Buy them!!!!!!!!!!!! Because BoTW Link is the best looking Link out of all the Links!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah!!!!!!!!!!! 買些東西抖自己開心～
晚安啦 ～ 讓你看看我的小可愛的照片…